I've Never Had a First Job, But...

They shook hands and asked, “How are you doing?”, that basic question to get the conversation started.

“We received your resume. We're hiring a team for the role you selected on the website, based on the goals described in the job opening. Tell me more about you.”

“I'm a teacher. I write. I read. I write again. I go back to teaching.”

“I'd actually like to know everything about you. What was it like when you were growing up?”

“I used to go to school, I'd pay attention to the teacher and write. I'd get home, read, and do my homework. I used to eat ramen noodles or a salami sandwich and then go play outside. I'd come back and rewrite the storyline of the cartoons I had watched,” she said, with a monochord tone.

“What about your Mom and Dad?”

“What about them?”

“What do they do for a living?”

“Are you gonna hire them?”

“No, but...”

“You're just trying to understand my genetics, right?” 


“Well, 50% Mom, 50% Dad. That's all, according to my Biology classes.”

“And what's your typical day like?”

“It's 1,440 minutes long and I dedicate 20 of them to taking a shower, 480 to sleeping, 10 to each meal―multiply that by 3―and the remaining minutes to working and making money.”

“Do you have a hobby?”

“Whatever minutes are left.”

“What about 'working and making money?'”

“I love what I do, so I'm always having a great time.”

“Are you married?”

“Yes, to Literature.”

“Do you go out on dates?”

“Yes, with books.”

“Do you get laid?”

Pause. Readers are free to imagine the candidate's eyes wide open in complete disbelief.

“Yes, I do, I have a boyfriend.”


A button of the interviewer's dark gray suit, which was covering the tip of a black-and-purple striped tie, comes undone.

“Do you see yourself in this role?”

“No, I see myself in the mirror.”

“Do you have any experience?”

“I've never had a first job.” 

“What's the best organ in your body?”

“My liver!”

“And what's the best feeling in the world?”

“You should ask him, the feeling.”

“Are you high?”

“As Brás Cubas used to say, 'I'd rather fall from the sky than fall from the third floor.'”

“Have you ever made a promise?”

“No, I'd rather pay things in full than in installments.”

“Democrat or Republican?”

“I'm an Atheist.”

Three days later, the job applicant received the good news. Explanation: since she allowed the conversation to flow so well, without even mentioning the job once (she'd never do that!), the company would like to respectfully congratulate her and welcome her as the newest Executive Director.

Larissa Pujol is a Brazilian writer born in 1985. She teaches Literature and authored Versos Transeuntes Verbos Ausentes [Transient Verses and Absent Verbs], which was published in 2010. Other several titles are currently in the editing stage. 

Larissa also writes poetry and dedicates herself to literary research, in addition to posting chronicles and other stories to her blog Literaturizar-se